Astroglidin to Heaven - The Lyrics

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01. The Clean Song
I'm feeling kind of bad you know
About the things that I might say
I'm stuck here wondering now you know
Should I close my lips or walk away?
	If I don't who knows
	What will happen then
	Will they slap a fine on us
	And never let us play again?

We can't be unclean
Even though we do it so well
Because just one naughty word
Will send us straight to hell
We just want to play you know
And have us a good time
So we will not be unclean
And believe me that's just fine

	That's just fine...

02. Little Goth of Mine
Goth girl, goth girl
I love you
You caught me with your angst
I’m stuck but I can’t stay true
Goth girl, goth girl
I love you
Even though you’re stupid
I love you

	You paint your face
	You dress in black
	You’re dead

Goth girl, goth girl
Always be true
Your poetry is terrible
But your thighs taste so good
If I had it my way
I’d make you mine everyday
Your skins as white as a fluorescent light
But goth girl, goth girl
I love you

	But I don’t think
	You’re quite as fucked up
	As you want

(Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...)

Goth girl, goth girl
Leave me alone....
Goth girl, goth girl,
Leave me alone...

03. The Younger the Better

Ever since I met you
I knew you were the one for me
But now I've got to move on
Why don't you see?
We could be closer together
If I didn't mind the weather
But now I've got a girl named Heather
So what if she's only 13?
I know we'll always be together
And I won't let no law come between...

	The younger the better...

I'm just kidding you know I love you
You know I'd never do you no harm
I hope your father got over his ribs
I just didn't know I was that strong
At least that's what I'll tell you
In this stupid little song
Who really knows if I'm joking?
It's really anyone's guess
But you can assume the worst you want
Just as long as I'm getting your best

	The younger the better...

		I don't even know the word
		I just like to have my fun
		So let me be
		I know it's against the law
		But it makes a good joke
		It's really all in good fun
		So what if we offend a few folk?

	The younger the better...

04. Eat It All Up
We build our roads
So we can get there fast
We plow the earth
To forget the past
We elect some fools
To manage our place
But then bitch and moan
When they forget our face

They tell us there is
No going back
From the people who 
Sold our ghettos crack
But the other side
Acts like they can save
They’re just dumb enough
To think they’re brave

	Oh we eat them all up
	Those lies we eat them all up
	Oh we eat them all up
	Those lies we eat them all up

The new left is like
The old right
Except they flee
When it’s time to fight
How can anyone ever
Expect to win
When there is too much talking
To even begin

	Oh we eat them all up
	Those lies we eat them all up
	Oh we eat them all up
	Those lies we eat them all up

05. Tabloid
I just read the news today
That Elvis is still alive
I just read the news today
On the cross Christ didn’t die
I just read the news today
Batboy has taken a wife
I just read the news today
Kennedy was from outer space

I just read the news today
There’s a hairpiece that is damned
I just read the news today
Osama’s groom is Saddam
I just read the news today
Mama Cass was really a man
I just read the news today
A flying saucer crashed in Japan

	Oh tabloid, oh tabloid
	Oh tabloid, oh tabloid

		We can laugh at them
		And so at CNN
		MSNBC is just a trend
Oh Tabloid, oh Tabloid

06. Home Sweet Guantanamo
Home sweet home
Home sweet home

I’ve been out here 400 days
And I can’t go home
They took away my liberty
And broke all my bones
I’d just like to get some sleep
But they keep lights in my face
The suicide count was 36
But now it’s 21

	I cry, oh I cry
	For the land where I was born
	I want to die I want to die
	So they can’t beat me anymore

Technically I don’t exist
But still here I am
They’re getting a chamber of death
As if we’re not all in one
They tell me I’m a terrorist
For protecting my sons
They took all our land away
And then they took out guns

	I cry, oh I cry
	For the land where I was born
	I want to die I want to die
	So hey can’t beat me anymore

Home sweet home

07. Gary Debussy

08. Dead Fetus Blues
I used to feel so alone
I’m used to being on my own
But my doctor made a discovery
About my brother inside of me
It was a tumor or so I thought
But we found that it was not, it was 
A dead fetus feeding off my blood
Has repaid me with all his love

	I won’t let him go
	He has freed me of my misery
	And some of my blood’s protein

		Against my will
		My parents did
		Give my consent
		To surgery
		And while I was
		They took him
		Out of me

I got the dead fetus blues 

I ain’t got nothing left to lose
I didn’t even get to choose
The doctor took him out of me
I wish he’d just let us be
But they left him inside the trash
So I’ll implant him above my ass
I love him and he just rots
Gee well isn’t that a thought

I got the dead fetus blues
Bop ba na na

I got the dead fetus blues...

09. A Day in My Life
I can't think of anything to say
Nothing controversial, anyway,
Something stupid, or something dumb
Maybe if I wait, something will come

Everythign sounds so cliched
I guess I could talk about my day
It was shit and I'm so pissed off
Yes, it was shit and I'm so pissed off

But you've got problems just like mine
The last thing you need is to hear me whine
I could cry in the mic and look so sad
But I tell you pop music is just a fad

Now the song is over, what will you do?
Stand on your head and beat yourself with a shoe?
I said I don't care, no I realy don't
I can't sleep and this song is just a joke.

I've had a shitty day, and I'm so pissed off
I've had a shitty day, and I'm so pissed off...

10. Tied Up in Love
Narrator, spoken:

I can still taste the leather on my face
The smell of blood dried all over the place
Now I’ll tell you if you’ll let me
About how all this came to be

Man (sung)
I met a girl sweet as could be
We fucked around for a couple of months
We fill in love and we fell hard
And that is when we began to play
At first it was really innocent
I pulled at her hair while we did it
Then she had me slap her around
And soon I was tying her down

You may think this is all a bit odd
But in the moment I felt like God
Soon it grew beyond my hopes (Woman: oh my)
We started using more and more ropes
She liked it so she couldn’t breathe
She liked being hit with a bamboo reed
And then we got leather and chains
And then I got into genital pains
She said, “Put on that mask you horrid slave
Or I’ll choke you into, into your grave”

Yes mistress, I’ll do all of it
Even if you want me to shit
And although I love the water sports
I’m sick and tired of changing my shorts
We had whips, ropes and canes 
We used amyl nitrate and mary jane
I have to admit I liked it a lot
When she jammed in that 2 foot rod
(aahahhdhahhaahahah there's my colon...)
But then things started getting too rough
I liked seeing her in hand cuffs
Plain old sex just wasn’t the same
Unless we had a lot of pain

He was my lover and my master
He liked it coming faster and faster
And with that little rubber ball in his mouth
He’d suffocate if he’d try to shout
I whipped and whipped him until he bled
And then I sweetly gave him head
Only to bite before he’d explode
Then pinch it until it would turn cold
He liked sticking his fists in me
And then his leg up to the knee

(Recreational non-family sounds, in which the male falls short, per the norm)

But then one day we tried something new
No, it didn’t involve poo
We put a rope on both our necks
Tied it to a high crossbeam
We stood on boxes and kicked them out
But we couldn’t see our masks were all zipped up
But I was so hot I drenched the floor
After a minute, we were passing out
And then the safe word we tried to shout
But then we realized we were both tied up
We were there hanging, no help to stop