Past Bastards Vol I - The Lyrics

PB1 cover PB1 cover back

These are live performances of songs, so they don't all have lyrics, or they had to be censored for the radio. See The Clean Song, below.
01. Play Some Funk
AKA - What The Funk Are We Doing?

I don't wanna hear no words
From your little lying mouth
I'm so sick of your games
And the violence you spout
Take a look at yourselves
And tell me what you see
I can tell you now
I don't want that in me

Can You tell us
Your Master Plan
I don't believe it
In the end
You'll find yourself alone
By yourself
Convinced that you need
Someone else

  What the fuck
  Are we doing
  Where the hell
  Are we going
  Whatever it is
  It's all the game
  Whatever it is
  We're all the same

I hear a politician in Washington
I know he's full of shit
I wonder where he got that suit
And those girls with big tits
I know that someday I could be one
And then I'd make the bank
But there's one thing I can't stand
and that's {censored for good taste, this isn't a great song lyrically - sorry, I was young - Father Huey}

02. Nuclear Summer
Georgie was a mighty good man
Spreading freedom across the land
But then one day he fucked up
And sent some nuclear missiles up
And now these clouds are looming large 
All because of the assholes in charge
And then some day you will hear
The words you so often fear
It's gonna be a nuclear summer
Nuclear summer, nuclear summer
Near and far, here and there
People are losing their hair
Nuclear summer, nuclear summer

03. The Perils of Live Performance
Drunks in bars are fun.
04. I Love You, etc, etc.
AKA - I Love You And I Miss You and I Just Can't Take It Anymore So I'm Going to End It All

When I first saw you
I loved you so
The whiteness of your teeth
And the ass your tight skirt showed
So I would meet you
Everywhere you'd go
And walk you to every class
Just so you'd know
That my heart is true
Though my hands do lie
When they creep slowly 
Up your receding thigh

  But when you went away
  I had to no words to say
  And I got so mad
  That I felt I just had
  To call you up all night
  And slash your tires right
  So that some day I know
  That you would love me so

So I followed you around
Every day for a year
Until you saw me
And you began to fear
The sound of emo blasting
As I'd walk slowly near
Now I have no place to live
And a civil case
But no restraining order
Can dim my love
And one day I swear you'll know
The fire of my love

  I'm not a stalker
  But I loved you so
  Everything you do
  Is something I must know
  Don't fear my love my darling
  Just lie back and let me give
  My soul to your care so that we can share
  That closet where i live

05. The Bullshit Meter Dichotomy
AKA - The Bullshit Meter Has Gone Off

They'll follow you everywhere
(Yes they will)
They know if you're here or there
(Yes they do)
They think they're next to God
(Fucking morons)
They watch you while you squat
(While you squat)

  The DEA's gonna
  take me away
  In these matters 
  I have no say
  And I ain't done shit
  But that's OK
  Because King Georgie
  Has had his way

    I used to be a nice guy
    But then I went to jail
    I learned to scarf the pud
    Lie cheat and steal
    All because of some asshole in washington
    Who doesn’t like the way I live
    Who cares if I can’t live my life
    Just as long as I don’t get drafted

I swear I really don't care
(No he don't)
That I can't say my mind
(Thought police)
And that I don't believe
(don't believe)
The lies that come my way
(All bullshit)

  What use is freedom
  When we have to hide
  From those we employ
  To save our hides
  I'm so angry
  I don't know what to do
  Maybe I'll watch some football
  And sniff some glue 

06. Bring It On - The Clean Song
Note: This song was written to be an ironic comment on how the songs that follow had to have 
their lyrics edited to be suitable to sing on the radio. That's where interjections like
"Intercourse the bloody penguin" come from. 

Of course the ultimate irony is the 2 track mix DJ Fred made of this 
that went out on the air has the vocals inaudible.

I'm feeling kind of bad you know
About the things that I might say
I'm stuck here wondering now you know
Should I close my lips and walk away

  If I don't who knows
  What will happen then
  Will they slap a fine on us
  And never let us play again

We can't be obscene 
Even though we do it so well
Because just one naughty word
Will send us straight to hell
We just want to play, you know
And have us a good time
So we will not be unclean
And believe me that's just fine

    That's just fine...

07. OC Thug

He’s got close cropped hair
And a shiny white truck
He’s from the streets of Westminster
And he likes it rough
Wherever he goes
Follows a shroud of bleached rap
No one can touch him
He’s just too hot
So blast that brown candy
You Orange County dandy

  The thug life’s just like
  Playing little league
  But be careful he’s got
  His own flaming piece
  And when such a sensitive guy
  Has got a girl in his eye
  Don’t get in his way
  Cuz a playa’s gotta play

I see them walking
Down the street so tough
A dime a dozen
But they don’t care
They’re so different
But their look they share
Jesus they don’t have
Any fucking shame
They came they saw
They seized and they came
      It’s a modern day love affair
      But no one really cares
      She’s his baby, he’s her man
      And they admit it deadpan
      They don’t got no self respect
      And thought is something we can’t expect
      I don’t care if they’re mental elves
      I hope they marry and hang themselves

  The thug life’s just like
  Playing little league
  But be careful he’s got
  His own flaming piece
  And when such a sensitive guy
  Has got a girl in his eye
  Don’t get in his way
  Cuz a playa’s gotta play

08. The Fazers
Fine American beaches.
09. Furry Elise
Sorry Beethoven.
10. Dixie Tricks
Some people say what they mean
And they mean what they say
Now You know I wouldn’t have it
Any other way
But then there are those who
Start speaking their mind
Then start backpeddling like
They’re committing a crime

  I’m not going to 
  Speak and take offense
  Or say what I feel and then
  Worry about capital offense
  So fuck it and fuck you
  You heard what I said
  I don’t even care if
  It makes me end up dead

We sit around thinking
About all that’s wrong
But we wouldn’t dare say it
In the form of a song
This apathy will
Eat us all alive
And force us in that friendly jet plane
And go take a nose dive

    When the radio won’t play your records
    Then you know what’s the score
    Your personal freedom doesn’t matter
    If the money’s in the store
    Let’s all forget exactly
    What I just said
    My idea of freedom is
    Damaging my head

  I just don’t care about it
  Any old way
  And I won’t be satisfied
  Until I’ve had my say
  So speak you mind
  And then apologize
  You know I’m not you
  So I keep closed my thighs

11. Pipe Organ Boogie
Sorry Bach.
12. Funky Tuvan Interlude
Sorry... Tuva?
13. Little Goth of Mine
Goth girl, goth girl
I love you
You caught me with your angst
I’m stuck but I can’t stay true
Goth girl, goth girl
I love you
Even tho you’re stupid
I love you

  You paint your face
  You dress in black
  You’re dead...

Goth girl, goth girl
Always be true
Your poetry is terrible
But your thighs taste so good
If I had it my way
I’d make you mine everyday
Your skins as white 
As a fluorescent light
Goth girl, goth girl
I love you

  But I don’t think
  You’re quite as fucked up
  As you want

Goth Girl Goth Girl
Leave me alone 

14. Poverty and Pornography
Sorry pornography.